Raped at knifepoint when she was 14, Michelle
is the subject of Counting Backwards, the forthcoming film from BAFTA winner and Oscar longlisted writer Geoff Thompson. She is a motivational speaker and martial artist, and a great
role model for anyone who wants to make more of their life.
She's
also the sort of person who confirms my dearest belief - that you
banish darkness with light, not more darkness. I’m honoured to have
her as a friend.
Stu:
Hi Michelle, thanks for taking the time to have a chat. The whole
point of your website is to inspire and promote better living, in
spite of fear or trauma, so I'm going to get right on with it:
As
ridiculous as it to attach clichés to people, it probably is
tempting for some to think of people who have been raped as Walking
Wounded, or Victims. Your life seems to utterly refute that sort of
thinking - has that been a deliberate strategy?
Michelle: I've always
been quite a private person when it comes to my feelings and
emotions. I've never been the kind of person to sit crying in front
of people; I only cried a couple of times at the time I was raped.
When I was attacked
everyone expected me to be upset, to get angry or to break down in
some way. I didn't feel like I needed to act in that way. I have
often said that there is no guide book available, that I am aware of,
that tells you how to behave after you have been raped. Everyone
worried about my reaction to the attack, but for me I had accepted
what had happened and just thought I should get on with my life, as I
didn't want to give my
attacker the satisfaction of mentally
beating me in any way.
Stu:
Have there been times when you've found yourself straying into that
kind of thinking and had to find a way back?
Michelle: I have used my
attack to push myself in life, to challenge myself, physically
and
mentally, and to become the strong, positive person that I am
today. I'm not saying I wouldn't get stressed if my car was to break
down, but in regards to being raped, and it affecting my life, I am
100% determined that it will not ruin my life, or affect my life in
any negative way.
I don't personally like
the word 'Victim', as in my eyes it means that my attacker has won or
beaten me in some way. So, to answer your question, I have never felt
like a 'Victim'.
Stu:
I'd love to see the word Victim go out of the dictionary from lack of
use – it sounds like a word being spat out, to me, like an insult -
so even if that guide is already available, no one else has your
voice, Michelle – I think a lot of people would benefit from such a
guide written by you.
Given
how pro-active you are, how does it feel to have your story feature
in a Geoff Thompson film? Can you describe the range of emotions that
must have arisen since the idea first came up?
Michelle:
I've known Geoff since I was a teenager, but I was
still surprised to hear his voice on the phone when he rang me.
He
explained that he wanted to write a film script, and asked how I
would feel about him writing about my attack. I instantly said yes,
but that I obviously had to speak to my family about it first. Whilst
Geoff was on the phone talking to me I started to react physically to
the whole situation. From the moment he rang me my stomach was
churning, and for a few hours afterwards I couldn't stop shaking.
The
churning in my stomach continued up until I met up with Geoff the
following night. We sat talking for a few hours, and I left him
feeling calm and totally at peace with myself. It was really good to
talk it all through with him, especially as he had some understanding
of how I felt. We talked over the details, facts and memories, and I
also gave Geoff eight pages of notes with more details on, which I'd
written with my mum.
Stu: Is that a rather surreal experience? it must take some
adjusting to.
Michelle:
Sometimes I feel like it's all just a dream, and I have to look at
Geoff's text messages or emails to remind myself it is all real, and
it is actually happening. It's not everyday that your own life
experience is made into a film.
It
is actually very scary as it means walking into the unknown, but I
have always tried to face my fears, and challenge myself. On the
other hand I am also extremely excited.
I
just hope the film helps people who have been through similar
situations, or that people are inspired by the film to live their
lives to the full, and realise what is important in life.
Stu:
The martial arts are a big part in your life, as for many of us - how
significant has that been to your personal development, do you think?
For the benefit of those who might be a bit nervous about trying an
art on for size, but want to learn more, would you give a little bit
of your MA history?
Michelle:
After my attack my uncle asked me if I would
attend a local Martial Arts class. I said I would give it a go, and
he took me to the class. I was very nervous, and to this day I still
get a little nervous when I train somewhere new. I was surprised, as
I really loved Martial Arts, and now have my uncle to thank for that.
It
really gave me a lot of confidence, it's a great way to release
stress and you feel energised due to the exercise.
I
have made some fantastic friends through the Martial Arts world and
training, and throughout my teen years my parents had some peace of
mind, knowing that I was going to the pubs and nightclubs with the
people from my Martial Arts class as we all became such great
friends.
My
Martial Arts instructor was also a doorman, so we would often all go
to town together feeling very safe. The style I practised at that
time was Wado Ryu Karate, and also anything else that might work on
the streets. After about 6 years the club closed, and I didn't train
for over 12 years. One day I messaged an old friend of mine, who I
used to train with, Mick Tully. He had started up his own Martial
Arts club and asked if I'd like to pop down and train with him. I did
go to train with him and have never looked back, training regularly
with Complete Self Protection
which is run by Al Peasland and Mick Tully in Coventry and Milton Keynes, and at Glenn Smith's Red Corner gym in Coventry.
Starting
to train again has changed my life entirely. I now practice the
following styles: Boxing, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Muay Thai, Real Combat
System, JKD, Kali and Knife Work, Panatukan and Grappling/Wrestling.
I used to train 1-2 hours a week but I now train anything from 5-8
hours a week.
I
don't tend to drink alcohol very often or go nightclubbing as much
now, due to the fact of the times I train. I think everyone should
try Martial Arts/Self Defence at least once, as it could save or
change your life. Everyone is so friendly, supportive and
inspirational within Martial Arts, and all the people I have met or
trained with have had the same kind of outlook in life, very
positive, facing their fears, and they leave you feeling energised.
Stu:
What might a beginner expect on a first session, and, what would you
say are the important things to look for in a club?
Michelle:
The key to a good club, for me, is that everyone shows respect; they
all help each other; are not there to dominate others but to learn;
and that the instructor shares their knowledge of the Arts and is not
afraid to become a student if someone has more knowledge or skills
than themselves. A good instructor will teach you good basics and
will teach you techniques suitable for your skill level, and, above
all, will make a relaxed environment where people can feel at ease
and learn new skills.
No
one learns in a stressful, scary environment. When you are having fun
and you are relaxed you are more likely to retain what you have
learned, and you will definitely want to attend the next session.
This is why when it's bitterly cold outside, there is heavy rain, or
snow, and the temperatures are below zero I still manage to get up
and go training - because I enjoy it so much. I remember many
occasions when the Dojo was so cold that I had 3 pairs of socks and a
woolly hat and coat on.
No
one should let their nerves stop them from doing anything in life...
Take
the risk...
What's
the worst that could happen?
It
might change your life for the better like it did mine.
Stu:
Did you ever have any counselling, or therapy? If so, how helpful did
you find that?
Michelle:
My parents had counselling. I was offered it but
didn't want it. The Police did mention that I could go to CRASAC, an
organisation that helps people in similar situations. Personally I
didn't want counselling, I felt I didn't want to speak to a stranger
as I could speak to my friends about how I felt if I wanted to. Over
the years I did worry that maybe I should have had counselling. Would
I be any different if I had?
I
have since asked a counsellor if I had made the right decision - she
told me that not everyone needs to have counselling, we are all
different, we deal with things in different ways. She said that
sometimes it's better to leave Pandora's Box closed, if you have been
coping well and it is not affecting your life.
I
think that, in her eyes, because I accepted what had happened to me and coped with it
so well, I didn't need counselling.
Counselling does
help so many people though, my parents included, so I would definitely
recommend it. I've never had therapy either, I don't know enough
about it to comment on it, to be honest.
Stu:
Are there any particular books you found that helped you be positive
and forward looking?
Books
that inspire me? There have been so many! I love to read books, so I
will just pick out a few.
Firstly,
Geoff Thompson's book The Elephant and the Twig. I've read it twice
now and each time I have got something different from it. The book
helps you to look at your life and makes you think about your
happiness, your future, the people around you, and where you want to
go in life. It inspires you enough that you actually start to make
changes within your life.
The
second book that I think is inspirational is a book my friend Adam
bought me for Christmas, SAS Heroes by Pete Scholey. The book is
about some of the bravest, toughest men, who became legends within
the SAS; who faced fear on a daily basis, harsh conditions, and
challenged themselves mentally and physically. It's definitely worth
a read.
The
last book I have chosen is a teen book called The Edge, by Alan
Gibbons, and from the first few pages you are hooked. The book deals
with so many issues, domestic violence, racism and relationships. It
has been inspiring to me and is one of my favourite books.
Stu:
Are you spiritual or religious? And what sort of effect has that had
on your personal journey so far?
Michelle:
I've always felt that I have had someone watching over me and looking
out for me. I am a Roman Catholic, although my parents did not bring
me up as one. They felt I should decide for myself when I was older.
But coming from an Irish Catholic family I was always around religion
anyway, as other family members were practising Catholics. Up until
recently I used to take my Nan to mass each Sunday and receive
communion. I have never pushed my religious views on to anyone, as
for me it is a personal choice.
Some
people find peace and comfort from their faith, especially when
faced
with difficult times. It has helped me get through some
tough times over the last few years and I have made some amazing
friends along the journey.
Stu:
Michelle, thanks so much for your eloquence and strength. You've
reached out to many people already. Good luck with your ongoing
journey, and I look forward to doing this again with you in a few
months to see where the road leads next.
Watch out for the film Counting Backwards for the full story.
