If
you are insecure then guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do
not overestimate the competition and under estimate yourself. You are
better than you think!
By Tony
Somers
I
don’t know who wrote the words above but they are very true. So why
do we overestimate the competition and underestimate ourselves? What
stops us from seeing that we are not just better than we think but at
least one hundred times better than we think we are?
I
am lucky because I get to meet people on a one to one basis through
my counseling work. Quite often I have the most amazing people
sitting in front of me telling me their life stories, and how they
feel insecure or not good enough or even like a failure. I
hear their words but the words don’t match their experiences, these
people are fantastic and have usually overcome trials and
tribulations that would test a saint. They
forget the positive experiences in their lives and just focus on the
negative events, and subsequent feelings. Why is this?
The
answer, I believe, is that a deep level we all believe that we are not
good enough. We suffer from low self worth. Some people hide this low
self worth very well. They have defences of bravado or anger or false
confidence but they are all hiding low self worth. Deep down they are
very insecure, the bigger the defences then the lower their self
worth.
So
why do we choose to hang on to this these feelings of low self worth? And note I use the word choose.
Some
people are not even aware that they have low self worth, it's there
but they can not work it out consciously. Some people are too scared
to change because to change may involve looking at where this low
self worth came from (painful). Some people are not even aware that
they choose how to live their own lives - in other words they don’t
even realise that they have a choice. Some people do not want to
change - they like where they are, or at least are used to living that
way, it is known, and there is safety in the known.
This
low self worth can and indeed will have an affect on every area of
your life - relationships, work, finances and much more.
Imagine
you meet the girl of your dreams, you have a great time and really
bond and fall in love, it seems as though life has never been better.
Then another guy starts showing interest in her and starts to flirt a
little and give her his attention. How would you react?
Would you get
angry? Would you get jealous? Would you fall out with your girl
friend? Would you be tempted to beat the guy up?
So
why do you have these reactions? The guy is only saying he also finds
your girlfriend attractive, it’s actually a compliment. Obviously
there are boundaries, but none have been crossed so far, so why the
reaction?
Could
it be because you compare yourself to this other guy, and once again
underestimate yourself? You feel threatened “she is bound to like
him more than me, why did she ever want to go out with me in the
first place?” You feel threatened, that old horrible feeling of
rejection is looming once again but remember, If you are insecure,
then guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not overestimate
the competition and underestimate yourself. You are better than you
think! In other words, the other guy is insecure; you are insecure and
so too is your girl friend.
It’s
your insecurities that are causing you to react in the way that you
do. After all she chose you, and she did that for a reason, so what has
changed - if anything? It’s more likely that if anything is going to
drive her away it will be her reactions to your insecurities, anger,
jealousy etc.
I
remember walking into the class room for the first time when I was
accepted into the fire service. I was on a residential course with 24
other recruits. My first thoughts were: "these people are all going to
be much clever than me, I am going to be bottom of the class, a right
dunce".
But
where was the evidence to back up my thoughts?
I had passed all
the same tests as these other guys; I had earned my right to be in
that class room. As it turned out I was actually around the middle of
the class on the weekly test results, one week I actually came second,
although another week I was near the bottom. I did ok; I did enough to
pass, and actually came top in some of the assessments that followed.The
other people in the class had the same insecurities as me; they were
all scared of failing the course.
The
same thing happened when I did my diploma in counselling. I walked
into the class room for the first time and looked at my class mates
and straight away thought, “Oh no these people look like social
workers and teachers (very intelligent). I am going to look really
stupid amongst this lot.”
But
once again where was the evidence?
I had passed the interview to be
accepted onto the diploma, I had passed a previous foundation and
certificate course just as the others had done.
Once
again I did very well in that class and discovered that all my
class mates had the same insecurities. Will I be good enough? What
will the others think of me? Will I make myself look stupid?
Remember,
if you are insecure then guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do
not overestimate the competition and under estimate yourself. You are
better than you think.
I
have a friend who is a support worker in a hospital, a position that
she has held for many years. She is so good at her job that even some
of the qualified staff ask her for advice. They often say, as I do,
that she should go for her nurse training, to which she replies, “oh
no I couldn’t do that I am not good enough”. Everyone else,
including me, can see that she is good enough, but she doesn’t
believe it- but where is the evidence to support her belief?
With
respect, I highly recommend that you do an inventory of your life.
This should include your achievements, no matter how small, and your so
called failures. I have to say at this point that I have learnt much
more from my failures than I ever have from my successes.
Go
back over your life story and look at the evidence you uncover, and
then you can start to question and break down your limiting beliefs,
because they are not true. You are magnificent just as you are, but
don’t take my word for it - do the work, and remember, If you are
insecure then guess what? The rest of the world is too. Do not
overestimate the competition and under estimate yourself. You are
better than you think!
Underneath
all your labels, past conditioning and limiting beliefs is a
source that is so powerful that it is almost too hard to imagine.
Which is actually a big part of the problem.
It’s
because this part of us is so hard to imagine, and so well hidden, that
we often take the easier option and we don’t even try to look for
it. But it is there, prodding away, little whispers, powerful
feelings. It has always been there and always will be there, just
waiting for you to get back in touch. You may get glimpses of it, you
may even feel it from time to time.
Remember
who you are and why you are here. Look back at your story and realize
just how amazing you really are. Grasp this fantastic opportunity
that you have been given because it comes with a time limit, and the
clock is ticking and you are so much more and so much better than you
think!!!
Tony Somers
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