I'm quoting songs a lot, recently, so, here comes another one:

What a fantastic line. How many of us have travelled to various far away lands, and exotic places, but have never looked inside ourselves – or, as the song says, have never been to me?

My guess would be, most of us? How many of us are far too busy looking outwards to ever even take a second, and look within. After all a very famous person did say that “The kingdom of heaven is within.”

How many of us think, or have even said, “once I get the new car, the big house, the new man, or woman; I will be complete - I will be happy then”?

All these things are nice, and there is nothing wrong in striving to achieve them, but I have some bad news for you; they will never make you complete. Many years ago I even thought that a martial arts black belt would make me feel complete, more confident and respected; and, to my complete and utter surprise, wearing that shiny black belt didn’t make the slightest bit of difference to my low self esteem. We are too busy looking out, when all of the answers are buried deep within.

So, why is it so hard to look within ourselves? Why are inspirational speakers courses full, and other courses, that get you to look at yourself, empty?

I used to think it was fear that stopped us from looking at the deeper parts of our personalities, and fear does have a big part to play; however, after years of study, and personal growth, I now believe that we don’t look in because we don’t believe that we are capable of ever having the means, or being good enough, to answer critical life questions, such as who am I? And why am I here?

So, in our lack of self-belief, we turn to the self-help guru, in the belief that he is more intelligent than us. He is wiser than us, and so he must have all the answers. I hate to appear to be a messenger of negativity, but, most of the self-help gurus that I've met are well and truly messed up themselves, and don’t live by what they preach. But, by setting themselves up as the expert, they get a sense of grandeur, and self significance.

When I look around I see a real lack of self-belief in people. We have been conditioned, from an early age, to believe that we are not good enough as we are. Think about this: if you believe that you are not good enough, or that you are weak, or a failure; then why on earth would you ever believe that someone else like you had the answers to life’s most critical questions? Who do you think would want to listen to you currently? And yet, at some level, you know that you are much more than the actor you portray yourself as being, in this illusionary world.

Our fears about not being good enough, or, in my case, being weak, or a failure, cause us to create a different reality. In our efforts to cover up the part of us that we don’t like, we build walls, and armour, to protect us from potential ridicule and rejection. My own fear of being weak, and a failure, led me into the most brutal martial arts and punch ups; and my body is covered in tattoos. Everyone tells me how physically strong I am, but I still have this part of me, this little boy, who feels as though he is weak, and a failure. The part that wants to hide away and let the world go by.

Every time I go to do something in my life, the part of me that I show to the world, the strong, confident part of me, drives forward. The scared part that feels weak and just like a failure holds back. Someone once said to me “Tony, you are so talented; but it’s as if you have one foot on the accelerator and one foot on the brake.” I don’t think he realised how accurate that statement was.

(this is the hard bit, and the reason why people don’t go on the courses, and don’t want to do the work).

To go within means going back, and looking at where these old beliefs come from; after all, you were born perfect - so what changed? We have all been hurt at various points along life’s journey; sometimes so painfully that we bury the hurt. The sad news is that it doesn’t go away, even when we bury it beneath layer after layer of bullshit and inauthentacity. The bigger the hurt, the bigger we make our defences, so know one ever gets to see the real you, the perfect you.

We have all met the know-it-alls, the people who strive so desperately to be liked by putting on a show. The sad thing is that they usually achieve the opposite, people turn away when they see them coming. They crave significance, recognition, love; and yet all they have to do to get this, is be their authentic selves, but people would rather take drugs or get drunk - do anything rather than go through this pain barrier and get back to the real them.

I have learned that the part of me I considered weak, and a failure, is actually the strongest part of me. It’s ok to be weak, it's OK to cry, its OK to show emotion - it’s what makes me human, and I am far from weak. I believed that a man should be strong, tough; mustn’t show any feelings. Now I believe that a strong man does show feelings, he does care - he does feel weak at times. He does feel as though he has failed, sometimes, and that’s OK too.

I am OK, and so are you - but show me your authentic self. I have lived a life of hiding behind a strong-man image, so don’t try and dazzle me with bullshit muscles, or academic drivel, I have done that to myself. Dare to be real. Dare to be the real you. But to find out who that is you will have to go within, and to do that you will have to face some strong emotions, and go through some old emotional barriers. It takes courage to do this, but, if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always got.

I only ever saw a tear in my Dad’s eyes once, and that was a few days before he died. In my house the men didn’t cry. We didn’t show feelings; it was considered weak. As a child, I remember my mum breaking the news to my Dad that his Mum had passed away. My brothers and I were ushered out of the room to let him grieve alone. I wanted to be with him, to help him, but this wasn’t allowed. I never saw him cry. I only cried once myself, and that was when he was ill. I sobbed like a baby after seeing my once proud Dad lying ill in a hospital bed, all his strength gone. My wife consoled me, she told me that it was ok to cry, but I still felt weak.

By going on that inward journey I know that its OK to cry. Its not weak. I am not a failure, just a normal human being who is all the stronger for facing his demons, and for giving himself permission to cry.

If you are not happy with where you are in your life, then take action. And a big part of that action will include going on that inward journey, to remove the blocks that are holding you back.

Even in a so-called paradise, you can not escape from your authentic self for long, and it will keep reminding you of whom, and what, you can be, by going to yourself.

So, why not listen?

There are people who will help you on your journey, and they are not the inauthentic life-coaches, but people like Geoff Thompson and Paul Regan. They have taken this journey, so they know the hardships - but they also demonstrate the rewards.